All that is Love
by toshiiilove
Summary: Missing scenes from S5E05 [Emison]
1. Chapter 1

[Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars]

* * *

**All that is Love**

How do you welcome someone you never truly said goodbye to home, despite you'd fooled everyone, including yourself, that you had?

The same someone that once had your young heart dangling on a string for, to the point that all of your happiness, sadness, loneliness was all subjected to the whims of her discretion? Dare you think, because so, she meant so much more to you than she had meant for anyone else – at some point; you were convinced that she did and with conviction you were sure however fragile of a connection you had with her, that it'll always be there, infinitely.

How could it not? As she made you feel things that were infinite, intangible yet beautiful like the blanket of stars unfurling onto the limitless night sky, shining above the two of you, the only witnesses to the secrets she made you keep.

You made yourself remember every moment you'd spent with her to the minute, and one of those just happened to be that one time, Ali waking you up in the middle of a sleepover, whilst leaving the other three girls fast asleep in their own respective spots.

In your heavy-eyed daze, you couldn't bring yourself to question the answer she gave you before you even asked. Her finger had been pressed against the curve of her lips, beckoning you to keep quiet, before that same hand came to reach for your own, to lead you out, fingers entwined, through the open balcony door.

You felt your skin prickle in the cool breeze. The late summer air was chillier than you'd expected, but your attention was on the head of golden waves and curls that fell past her shoulder and obscured the straps of her pink camisole. You couldn't help but wonder if she was a bit cold in that, though the fingers entwined with your own would attest differently. Then it finally registered with you that the two of you were holding hands and you couldn't help but stare at the fleeting gesture at its end, almost hoping she wouldn't notice if you just held on for a touch longer.

You broke out of your daze when she broke contact, turning to face you with her perfectly maintained brow slightly raised. You opened your mouth to improvise, asking her about the thing she had wanted to show you, away from the others, alone, in the dead of night.

You felt your throat tightening after your own words echo back to your ears, a perceptible blush threatening to creep onto your cheeks. You swear you could see the ghost of a smile grace her lips as she held your brown eyes with her blue ones, almost looking delightfully satisfied by your sudden slip of nervousness.

To avoid her knowing eyes and the potential slew of quips that'd no doubt follow if you'd stood and done nothing, you obliged her request. Though tilting your head up, what you saw was something you hadn't exactly expected, for you were never told to look for them and prior to tonight, you had no reason to linger and study their splendor.

The cloudless night with its legion of thousands upon thousands of scattered stars lighting up your eyes. Your jaw drops in amazement as you inhale in beauty. And in amazement you look at her as if she were one of those stars far in the ink colored horizon, light years away – flawless, infinite, unreachable – to be admired from afar but never to be understood, never to be reached, never touched.

You remember her telling you there's more to stars than their beauty, even joke about how everyone had their place just like stars that aligned to form constellations, pointing out the stars that according to her represented Aria, Hannah and Spencer, leaving you on the edge of your seat for what she had to say about you. When it was your turn, you notice she motioned for a star, the one closest to the brightest star in the constellation reserved for Ali herself. Your heart raced as you shyly asked her if star alignments were permanent.

'They're forever, Em.' the reply itself coupled with her enigmatic look, although soft in tone, cemented itself into your racing heart with what you chose to hear – a promise. Your cheeks flushed, in wake of her whisper, or perhaps at the sight of the genuine smile that followed after. The one you returned with haste, before your eyes promptly dropped lower to stare at the balcony floor than to see her blue eyes lingering hesitantly on your lips, seconds before she announced she was cold and disappeared into the room once more.

And with foolish certainty, you believed her. You'd wanted to go on like this with her for as long as you could muster, for as long as she allows, because the alternatives were not in your favor. Yet, when the news came, you came to regret everything that hadn't been said, on your part at least.

You'd wanted to believe that it was all a ruse, she was too important to be gone, just like that.

In fact, you were sure among the four that was left behind by Ali; you cried the hardest and missed her the most – because there were things the others couldn't have comprehended between the two of you – shared smiles and furtive glances, no one else caught on. You cried yourself to sleep, silently forcing yourself to accept the facts while she was very much alive in your mind, in your dreams but most importantly, your heart.

Sure, all of this would've been easier if it'd worked out like all of those self-help books, which you poured through in her indefinite absence, had promised – 'time' heals everything – almost all of those grief gurus had promised in one form or another, as if it was easy.

Let the sands of time bury everything that was between the two of you and move on.

But not in your case, not with the dangerous game 'A' trapped you in, exposing every sacred detail of you and her to the point you were almost made to believe it was Ali herself behind these sick games in retaliation for not being there to help her in her final moment. So perhaps that was why you kept dreaming of her all along. Your conscience conjuring her in times of peril as a reminder of your incompetency, but shamefully, you were almost glad – because if it was the case. It meant you'd at least get to see her one last time and tell her what you couldn't have when it mattered.

Most auspiciously, that ceased to be the case.

With Alison alive there were endless possibilities where fear and doubt ought to play no part.

So, how do face someone that against all odds had been in your heart this whole time?

Emily Fields' eyes fluttered open in the dark, the recognizable patterns of Alison Dilaurentis' bedroom greeted her as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Aria and Spencer left the Dilaurentis residence hours before, while Emily had stayed behind with Ali to keep the shaken girl company. And once again, the blonde told her things she hadn't expected to ever hear this candidly from Ali, let alone know, how to process.

Part of her wanted to believe Alison like she'd always believed in her and close the distance between them right then and claim the other girl's lips with her own, while another, the part that'd been a direct result of Ali's absence questioned the validity of the blonde's comments along with her motive left her motionless upon Ali's revelation.

With 'A' gone, she had naively believed it was safe for the blonde who was currently lying with her back to Emily to come back to Rosewood, yet, again reality proved to be less ideal than what she'd hoped for. With all that had happened from the moment they came back from New York, Emily thought that she was going to have to find the perfect opportunity to finally talk to Ali, preferably alone, away from the other girls. Yet again, nothing ever falls into place because she willed it.

'Why are you telling me this now?' she'd wanted to question again, but found herself unable to break the harmony that'd finally seemed to settle with the evening. Instead, she'd suggested that they ought to head to bed if they wanted to be at least semi-functional at school tomorrow, seeing it was already a quarter past twelve in the morning. However, upon closing her eyes, she found herself bombarded with thoughts she couldn't quiet on her own. Ali's confession played on a loop. They were urgent questions which begged for answers – answers she couldn't sleep without, answers she didn't have.

A barely audible sigh escaped her lips before she gave the idea some more thought.

If there's never going to be a good time to ask, then now is good as ever.

"Ali, are you asleep?"


	2. Chapter 2

Life was not a rehearsal.

There was no amount of practice one could count on to offset the uncomfortable fickleness of life. Only hours ago, Ali told her how she felt, about her, about those kisses they'd shared when life was still simple, all those years ago. Emily had felt her lungs contract as she was stopped dead in her tracks by Ali's words.

There suddenly wasn't room for air, let alone words. She couldn't grasp the swarm of thoughts that erupted as a result of the blonde's confession. Ali stared at her from the bed, with those beautiful round blue eyes of hers, beckoning for her to change her mind, and Emily found herself frozen in the doorway, eyes trained on the blonde, unable to leave things just like that.

Emily was torn. Albeit, the confession seemed innocent enough, Ali's timing was horrible – at the same time, she knew how much her friend hadn't wanted to be alone. This was exactly something the old Ali would pull to get her way.

But things were different now, right? She was different now. She'd worked hard to keep her distance all this time, to stop those feelings that never truly faded from resurfacing, in hopes of being free of Alison's hold on her. So why were her eyes stinging, her mind more than toying with the idea of texting Sydney that she couldn't make it, that something important had come up at the last minute?

Something more important? She fought herself on the thought. It wasn't her duty now to be there to see to Ali's every need. She wasn't that girl anymore. The one that was so easily impressed by every moment she spent in Ali's presence. She was no longer the girl that had wanted to be around Ali like the honeybee amongst millions to a single blossoming flower. The one that had looked at Ali like she was the sun and orbited around her accordingly, subjected to some predetermined trajectory, always circling around her, but never any closer. With one more look at Ali, she decided it was best to go on and not look back.

While the sing-a-long wasn't exactly her thing, she could tell her friends were having fun and Emily considered that to be a success. A fun night where she could just be a normal teenager, forget about all the horrible things that'd happened, and just be among friends.

"Is something wrong? You've been looking at your phone all night," Sydney, who had been sitting between Emily and Paige, noted.

Emily averted her eyes from her phone with a smile, and quickly tucked the phone away before the other girl could get a look. "Er, nothing, I forgot my keys and I was just texting to let my mom know, so I won't be locked out." Both Sydney and Paige seemed to be satisfied with her response.

It wasn't exactly a lie, as she had received a text from Pam, informing her that she saw Emily's keys on the kitchen counter and Alison had left their house about ten minutes prior. Only seconds later, her pocket lit up and began to buzz again, she murmured a small sorry to her friends. When the SOS message flashed before her eyes however, the facade of teenage normalcy for most was shattered for her and the reality that concerned Emily Fields reasserted itself into the present.

She bolted up from her seat, almost knocking the bag of popcorn out of Sydney's hand. "Excuse me, I-I have to go," without giving the other two girls a hint as to why.

As she lay beside Alison now, waiting for any indication that the blonde was indeed awake, there was a terrible weight on her conscience. If she hadn't left Ali alone, if she'd just stayed and kept her friend company, then Mona wouldn't have had the chance to harass Alison. And she wouldn't be guilty of not being there for a friend. To think that there was even the slightest chance that she could lose Ali again was more than she could handle. Perhaps, Alison had sensed that too, after all, even with 'A' gone, there were other adversaries that were more than ready to ruin them.

Perhaps, that's why Alison said all those things she said, not because she'd wanted something from Emily, but because she didn't want to leave them unsaid – an eternal 'what if'. Perhaps, she should stop reading between the lines of Ali's words, vigilantly screening them for any defects that could indicate ruse. Perhaps, she could learn to trust Ali, with the same trust had given her.

Tentatively, she turned her head to look at Ali, who had turned to face her.

The two of them locked eyes. Emily's heart skipped a few beats as she stared at the angelic face framed by golden locks. She'd looked, not unlike those girls immortalized by the caring hands of some Renaissance master on his most prized masterpiece. And having those soulful blue eyes gaze back at her now, searching Emily's expression for clues as to why she'd been called, made the brunette feel more exposed than she'd ever felt in her entire life. And Emily, though still holding onto a sliver of doubt, felt heat rise within her as she closed in on what little distance was between them to begin with and leaned in, planting a light but certain kiss on Ali's pouty lips.

The softness of the kiss had both of their eyes fluttering to a close, although light, the kiss had the two girls savor each other in the moment. Any concern that'd been swimming in Emily's mind vanished at that very moment. The apology that'd been brewing was momentarily forgotten. Anything she had to say, she'd put into the kiss, which was followed by another, then another to the point Emily felt giddy with an airy lightness that kissing Alison always produced.

Instinctively, Alison had maneuvered towards to the other girl, bringing their bodies closer together under the covers, separated only by flimsy night garments that fitted to their bodies. Emily's hand reached for Ali's face, guiding the blonde further as she deepened the kiss. Fingers sinking into the sea of silky blonde locks as Alison's hand snaked towards her waist, caressing at the small of her back, causing the brunette to moan into her touch.

Hearts pounding faster by the second, soon, the kiss that had started off as innocent enough quickly escalated into all consuming passion. Before both of them could even register fully, shallower breathes were drawn, kisses which had started off gentle, became raw, instinctual with untreated desire. What little they'd been wearing to begin with became cumbersome, constraining. Still, Emily's fingers toyed with the straps of Ali's top cautiously; hesitant to explore any further than she had allowed herself to, however, just then, Alison broke their kiss and pushed herself on top of Emily. And that's when she knew there was no going back.

"Let me help you with that," a sly smirk flashed across the blonde's face, in the heated moment she peeled off her own top and discarded it onto the floor. "This ought to make things easier, wouldn't you agree?" she'd asked cheekily, unabashed with her own nudity.

Emily's eyes grew wide, brown eyes blinking quickly in succession, as if to assess the force in which she'd been pushed against the headboard and assert that this was indeed reality. Many times she'd dreamt of Alison, vividly, and now she knew many of those vivid dreams were indeed reality. But never in those exchanges was Alison allowed to show her this much passion. Never had Emily imagined this, not even in her wildest dreams. Breathlessly, Emily peered up at Ali, who had straddled her at the hips, blonde hair cascading down her shoulders, not quite covering her exposed breasts.

"Wait-A-Ali…are you sure?" Emily asked between breathes, suddenly very aware of the situation she'd initiated, "I mean-uh…I want you, Ali, but I also want you to be sure, that this is what you want as well,"

"Aw, Em. Always so noble and sweet, with my best interest at heart," the blonde replied her lips curving to a understanding smile, "Don't you see, it has always been you, Em, you are special to me," Ali whispered to her tenderly, "so, let me show you just how much," with that said, the blonde didn't waste another second to help Emily struggle out of her tank top.

Alison's eyes darkened with lust at the sight of Emily, "God Em, you're more beautiful than I'd imagined," she said as she dived in for a kiss that trailed from her lover's mouth to her jaw line, from her jaw line to her neck, hands roaming freely, electrifying every nerve in her lover's body, before they stopped short at the waistband of Emily's underwear. This time it was Alison's turn to pause.

"Do you trust me, Em?" She'd whispered against her lover's ear.

"I trust you," came the breathless reply.


	3. Chapter 3

It was indisputable that Alison Dilaurentis was known to be good at many things. Even at a tender young age, she was talented in areas where her peers wouldn't even begin to grasp. Enviable charisma and charm were among her more mentionable masteries. She could innocently sweet talk her way into and out of anything and everything. She was always good at reading people. She had a way with finding out exactly what people had desired the most, feared the most, which string to pull, which button to push. In order to hedge her own interests and position should relationships sour, and under no illusion she counted that they would.

Distrust – it was the first lesson a Dilaurentis would learn and count on – if their model family was the pillar of the American dream, pinnacle of American success, then it was easy for the girl to construe that the world was but a house of cards, built upon by greed and lies – she'd gathered that much when her peers were still watching cartoons, playing with toy soldiers and alphabet blocks – it was part of their blood, the Dilaurentis legacy, learn to play the game and play it well – it was a matter of survival, a matter of coming up on top.

It was also a lot for a child to grow up with. Her older brother was proof. Jason had tried to check out from it all with drugs and alcohol, to no avail, his example attested that there was no other choice for the younger Dilaurentis. All she could do was to put on a good act and stay one step ahead of the game, at least, that had been her rule.

She couldn't have cared less about what most people thought of her. They were at best tools, at worst roadblocks. If they proved to be more burdensome than useful, she disposed of them, as per game rules. Of course, her lack of regard for others earned her various titles at school, and none of them kind. But that didn't stop her from doing what she did to them. Being on top meant perks, and if it meant the sacrificing a few of her peers who'd never amount to much in life anyways – she didn't see the problem. It only affirmed her of principles she'd learned growing up a Dilaurentis, prey or get preyed on.

At best, she saw herself as a deserving youth of the elites, playing her part in protecting the status quos. She was doing society a favor by putting lesser people in their deserved places before the real world chewed them up and spewed them out – like it would eventually do. Weeding out the weak in favor of the strong, was a constant reminder if she wasn't up for the job, then someone willing would take over and she'd be on the receiving end of such treatment – wasn't that how human society came to advance to what it was now? And why would she not like it, if it reasserted her dominance, time and time again?

Except, no one had told her that all the secrets she had kept in her arsenal would ever work against their master. The web of deception she'd so cleverly spun became the very deathtrap that almost ended her. And without her, it'd spiraled into something no one could control singularly. She was sucked in the whirlpool just like any unsuspecting victim, thrashed her along in the undertow like common debris. Instead of Queen, she found herself Pawn – sacrificed for someone else's greater purpose. And lately, that was Mona out of all people.

None of that seemed to matter in the moment, not with her waking up to the crisp breeze of a new dawn. As she came to, she registered the additional warmth under the quilts with her, the softness of her lover's curves molding into hers from behind, the tickling sensation of slow rhythmic breaths on her neck, the way their legs tangled together, their fingers laced as if all in planned synchrony.

A fond smile played across her lips as memories of the night prior replayed vividly in her mind, the various ways her fingers had brought the other girl over the brink, the rush of hearing her name chanted like desperate prayers, the prerogative of bringing her lover back to their world again with flurries of kisses on supple tanned skin, over and over again, without break, until the both of them collapsed into bed, barely able to catch their breaths, against one another out of sheer exhaustion from lovemaking. Who knew that such a shy girl would yield to her without any inhibition?

She studied the length of the pair of strong arms that had wrapped around her protectively throughout the night, guarding her from all she'd feared. For the first time in a long time, she was able to sleep through the night without jolting awake, finding comfort only when she curled up into a ball. The other girl's body had prevented that from happening, serving as a harbor, a stronghold against her unsettling dreams.

Smoothing her thumb over the back of the sleeping girl's hand, she then brought her lover's hand to her lips and kissed it tenderly, whilst the pristine new dawn spilled through softly swaying curtains. Her mind entertained the idea that even things were different now, that she was no longer Queen, the other girl was still her Knight, ready to defend her courageously against things she was no match against.

A sigh emitted as a result of the thought. She knew how much she'd meant to the brunette. If she'd wanted the moon and all of the stars from the sky, Emily would try and give exactly that to her – even if they already knew of the impossible outcome. _There's always a way_ - she'd remembered the optimist would say, with a bright smile on her face when she said it. As much as Alison wanted to believe all Emily had promised as they lay against each other in the afterglow of their lovemaking, she couldn't bring herself to fully believe the brunette, despite that she'd appeared so, just to appease the hopeful girl to tranquil dreams.

Love triumphing against all odds was something forlorn authors made up to appease their own heartbreaks. Even if she was the Estella to Emily's Pip. That they too could have their grand happy ending, they still had a lot to work through, which in Alison's eyes began with staying alive long enough to get there. If it was a Knight's duty to protect her Queen from harms of swords and axes, then it was a Queen's task to keep her Knight away from unnecessary bloodshed and ambush. And she intended on doing just that.

"I wish this was all we needed. I really do." She'd thought out loud with finality. Exhaling as she gave their laced fingers one last look, she released Emily's hand as lightly as possible and laid it gently on the mattress where her own body had occupied moments ago. She slipped out of bed and left the other girl to restful sleep.

* * *

Perhaps Spencer was right, all those romantic chick flicks really did get to her head and she'd set her expectations unrealistically high, but she didn't see the harm in believing in happy endings. When Emily awoke, with a faint smile on her face no less, she was overcome with the urge to kiss the girl whom she'd always known she loved. Her initial focus had been rolling over to the other side of the bed and greeting the blonde with a good morning kiss. Eyes still closed, her hand patted through the quilts, in search for Ali, only her search amounted to finding nothing more than cold emptiness on the other side of the bed. And that's certainly not how a sappy romance flick would've gone…

A wave of sheer panic washed over her, enough to shatter the idyllic contentment she'd awoken to.

She was alone?

Where was Alison?

Forcing her eyes open at once. The brunette winced at the intrusive morning light. The window was open and the curtains billowed softly in the steady morning breeze. Pushing herself up and fisting a bundle of sheets against her chest for cover, her eyes finally adjusted to her surrounding, as well as her other senses.

She registered the sounds of running water emitted behind closed bathroom door. However, that did little to ease her nerves – the fact that Alison left her in bed alone, raised flags in Emily's mind. What if most of what'd happened last night was a dream, even though the soreness of her body indicated otherwise – but that doesn't explain away her second worry – what if Ali was having second thoughts?

A part of her she feared that Alison would walk out, fresh from the showers to announce that last night was a fluke, albeit a 'fun' one – that she would look her in the eyes and say something along the lines of she didn't blame Emily for what they've done, because it didn't mean much to her in the first place, all with a charming spin – "I thought I had feelings for you, but last night proved my folly, I'm not like you, after all." That would shatter Emily's heart in a million jagged pieces. What would she do then? Run back to Paige like the girl was an inflatable lifejacket? That would be cruel.

At first, Emily had thought she was ready, regardless of the consequences – that even if Alison rejected the kiss that'd started this all, she would be okay with it. However, what she didn't count on was what'd happened soon after she initiated the kiss – she didn't count on her feelings would be returned with that much intimacy.

That Alison would have her, all of her, in a sense that was no longer just figurative.

The brunette's hand flew up against her forehead in an audible slap. How did she let herself to get so stupid? Sure, she's had meaningful relationships with her ex-girlfriends, but never had she allowed things to move this fast. She'd thought more of herself as a girl with principles – alas, none of it seemed to have applied whenever Ali was the case. She'd wanted to cry, but more so, she'd wanted to get out of there so she wouldn't have to deal with this so soon. Or maybe, if she'd left now, she wouldn't be confronted with the truth. If she'd left now she could keep her heart intact for a while longer.

The sounds of running water stopped.

Her brown eyes widened in anticipation, before they darted across the room quickly, in search for clothes that'd been carelessly discarded the night before. Her eyes fell on a set of clothes she hadn't even remembered she'd left at Ali's house folded neatly on one of the cream colored leather chairs facing the canopy the bed. She'd bolted out of bed and grabbed them quickly, but before she could get dressed, the bathroom door opened, ill timed, revealing the blonde that was the focal point of her joys and sorrows.

Emily froze as Alison's eyes blue eyes took in the sight that was presented. The blonde stopped too, less so out of shock, more so out of appreciation, opting to lean against the doorframe out of convenience, hair still dripping from the showers, in a pink silk bathrobe that was cut just above the knees, with a split that showed generous amount of thigh.

"Good morning gorgeous," cooed the blonde, "It's good that you're finally awake, I was getting worried we might run late. Did you sleep well?"

"We are? I did, yourself?" Emily ping-ponged the question back from her spot stiffly, blushing furiously as she fumbled with the garment in her hand, in a desperate attempt to figure out the front to the back of the shirt in as little time as possible.

"The best night of sleep I've had in a long time, thanks to a certain someone," The cheeky blonde continued with a meaningful wink, drying her hair nonchalantly, as if not noticing anything out of the ordinary.

"That's nice—I mean, I glad…" she said, trying her hardest to keep her voice controlled, "I should—probably—"

"Grab a quick shower before we head to school?" Alison finished for her with a smile. She was unfazed by the state she'd caught the brunette, more so than the swimmer herself, if it was anything the blonde greatly approved of it. It wasn't like Emily had anything to be ashamed of; quite on the contrary, she had a lot to be proud of. Eyes roaming over the other girl's athletic form appreciatively in the morning light, almost with envy. From her tousled bed hair, her toned core, to those endless legs, which Alison had the pleasure of testing out the night prior. Her eyes lingered on them for a second longer. And after last night it wasn't like she had anything more to hide – at least that's what Ali had assumed.

"Oh…it's just-I thought you said we're going be late—and I thought it was better if I ran home and changed."

"No need. We have time," the blonde reassured, without actually bothering to look at the clock, in a tone that ought to dispel much of the imagined fear in Emily's mind. They could always make time. Besides, it wasn't like History would suddenly rewrite itself if they failed to show up on time. What mattered now to Ali, however, was figuring out why Emily was acting so strange, like she'd wanted to run at the sight of Alison, even after all they'd shared?

"And you know you're always welcome to borrow anything of mine, in fact," the blonde continued, noting the other girl's visible discomfort, she cleared out the doorway in favor of looking through her wardrobe.

Changing the subject smoothly, "I do remember I have this lovely maroon colored boyfriend blazer that would look dashing on you," Honestly, Alison had thought with Emily being a swimmer, she'd be used to other girls seeing her in some state of undress. And that she'd be confident in flaunting what all those hours in the pool, and then some hours in the weight room had help sculpt. But maybe that wasn't the problem here after all.

"Thanks Ali. That'd be great," Emily answered without really looking at Alison. She quickly ducked into bathroom, closing the door behind her securely and letting out a sigh of relief. She'd just turned on the showers and tested the water temperature. If she could survive the morning without talking about 'it' then she'd consider it mission accomplished. Frankly, Emily wasn't counting on any interruption. The turn of the doorknob, however, roused a gasp. She whipped around and saw Alison standing in the doorway.

"A-Ali?" she managed, heart pounding again. She waited the blonde to say something silly like she'd forgotten the moisturizer or something and disappear as fast as she'd appeared. However, when that seemed highly unlikely, Emily found herself taking a step back. The other girl seemed to have enjoyed the suspense more than she did. As the blonde let the door close behind them with a soft click. The taller girl found herself heating up all over again, which she was sure had nothing to do with the steam quickly filling the room.

"D-did you forget something?" She attempted lamely.

When Ali didn't answer immediately and chose to get closer instead, backing Emily up against the bathroom sink effectively, she really didn't know what to think, let alone have an idea on what to do.

"No, I just thought I'll let you know where the fresh towels are kept," Alison finally answered with a less than innocent smile, then motioning for the cabinet beside them all the same.

"You came in here just to tell me that?"

"Sure," The blonde replied casually with a shrug, she had half a heart to keep the act up and tease Emily even more by telling her where she'd kept the new toothbrushes and so on. But she didn't think the poor girl could take it anymore if she dragged this out longer than she already had.

"Oh and…" She trailed off, eyeing Emily's lips closely. "To give you this," She ran her fingers through Emily's tousled brown hair, drawing the taller girl closer by trailing a finger along her jaw line. Emily's eyes fluttered to a close in anticipation. A muted moan escaped through her parted lips as Alison's hands disappeared somewhere below her collarbone. The blonde leaned in fully, pressing her lips against Emily's in a passionate kiss. After what seemed to be an eternity, Ali finally broke the kiss, Emily's hands were on her hips and they gazed at each other, like Christmas had come early that year.

"Just in case you're still having doubts about my feelings for you," Ali winked reassuringly, contented with herself now that Emily was smiling again. "Now, I'll leave you to shower in peace,"

"How much time did you say we have?" Emily piped up, grinning ear to ear.

"What?" The blonde blinked, feigning innocence, though she had a very good idea where this was going, and was secretly hoping she was right. Still, when Emily coyly replied, "Because, I was thinking along the lines of…" and abruptly jumped back into the running shower, pulling her by the collars of her bathrobe into the steam and water, she flailed forward. Crashing into Emily with a squeal, "Em! You know this is my favorite bathrobe! Emily Fields! You are in so much trouble missy!"

"Did I get you wet? Opps... my bad, kiss and make it better then?"

"No. Apology not accepted." The blonde huffed, still pretending to be angry when she disrobed. "But, it can be a start,"

[**A/N:** _So, I know this fic was supposed to be a filler for the scenes we weren't shown in S5E5, but its seemed to have taken on a life of its own. I'm not sure how authentic i.e: in character that is for them to do all they'd done in the fic and still have their Poker Face on at school like ... twenty minutes later LOL. Perhaps we shall explore that in the next chapter and wrap it up there, since *drumroll* we get S5E6 tonight. It's been insanely fun writing this fanfic and I hope those of you who'd clicked to read have enjoyed the process as much as I did enjoy writing it. Thank you for all the reviews, favorites and follows :)_ ]


	4. Chapter 4

With Emily, it was easy to let herself get carried away in their little moments. Albeit, it'd been difficult to tear herself away from the little safe haven they'd found in each other's arms. When the time came, the youngest of the Dilaurentis clan didn't hesitate on resuming her daily routine as a Rosewood High student. Unlike Emily, who'd suggested they could just ditch and '_hang out_', Alison, despite how tempting her friend had made the offer sound, knew better and insisted that they show up.

The slow burning flame they had was fanned into wild fire overnight. Its intensity threatened to destroy everything that stood in its way. Being the one to always think ahead, Alison had better awareness on exactly how unsustainable it all was. Emily's wish of prolonging this fleeting happiness was understandable. However, boarding themselves up from reality and pretending that forces outside of their little universe didn't exist was dangerous in more ways than one. In the end, Alison was the one that pulled away first, reminding Emily that their presence was required at Rosewood High.

Their drive to school had been mostly in silence save for the soft tune Emily hummed along with the radio, Alison sat shotgun and busied herself with perfecting her appearance. She pretended she wasn't looking at Emily out of the corner of her eyes, but when she caught Emily's eyes drifting between the road and her reflection in the rear view mirror, she knew she had to address Emily before they reached their destination.

"We need to lay down some ground rules," stated the blonde in the passenger seat whilst she applied the final touchup to her makeup, in a manner that was altogether business like. She had no problems hiding her true intentions. She was terrific in convincing people what she'd wanted them to believe. It was Emily she was worried about, especially after her heartfelt confession, coupled with her more than ardent physical demonstrations. It was time, in Alison's opinion to tug a little on the kite strings, to rein Emily in from cloud nine. She couldn't let this milestone in their relationship ruin all other aspects she had been keen on regaining and rebuilding ever since she returned to Rosewood. She had to see to that she and Emily were on the same page.

Her driver and sole companion gave her a perplexed look at the sudden interruption, brows slightly furrowed in uncertainty when she noted this sudden change in Alison's demeanor. Alison Dilaurentis' inner world was a mystery to Emily Fields. It was as if the girl's attitude changed from volcanic heat to deep freeze in a matter of seconds. The girl could just switch on and off at the snap of a finger and without much of a warning. Her expressions rarely betrayed her, as Emily knew Alison was well practiced when lying with concerned. It was something she herself couldn't exactly comprehend, let alone replicate.

"Okay." Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel then exhaled, preparing herself for what was surely to come. "What kind of rules do you propose?" She didn't like whatever Alison had to say one bit. In fact, she hated it when Alison got cryptic with her, omitted crucial information even though Emily was sure the blonde knew all she wanted to do was help in any way that she can. She hated not being completely trusted by Ali, but then again, she'd done that to herself. She shouldn't have told Spencer about her meeting Ali in the warehouse.

"We need to watch how we act around others." She stated, snapping the compact mirror she held to a close before slipping it into her purse casually before she delivered the second part. "And start spending more time with the other girls than just the two of us, alone." Eyeing her reflection in the rear view mirror and attending to her hair now, she heard a quick breath drawn by the brunette and saw Emily's eyes drift between the road and her reflection in quick succession, as if trying hard to digest what'd just been said, even it was clear that it didn't sit well with her.

"It's for your protection as much as mine." She added coolly, hoping that the other girl had caught her drift and let her leave it at that, certainly the old Emily would've let her get her way and for a brief moment it seemed to be going in the direction Alison had wanted their brief exchange to go.

"Ali, I'm not concerned about what people have to say, if that's what you're worried about, it's no body's business but ours. There will always be people who talk. We have no control over that." Emily spoke with measured breaths. She didn't really know what Alison had meant by that, but if her suspicions were correct then Ali was concerned about how she'd be perceived. Perhaps, she wasn't ready and she understood that. It wasn't like Alison gave her a solid answer on what they were now, in the aftermath of the night prior. Being her friend for this long, she knew that Alison wasn't the type to explain herself explicitly, the girl enjoyed the subtleties instead. A title would've meant nothing and rushing Alison to admit anything to her would've done more harm than good.

"Not concerned? Well, _I am_! Okay?" At that point, Alison's attention shifted completely to Emily. Blue eyes wide, she wondered if Emily was even thinking at all? Did she really believe that this wouldn't cause a ruckus and shake things up? "I might not have control over what other people say or do, in the past or present, but I have control over my own actions and I suggest you do the same."

Emily's mouth dropped open in shock, not expecting that at all. "What…what do you mean?" Before Alison could even answer Emily was sure she already knew, "Do you regret…what'd happened between us?" Of course, she did! Emily was convinced. Everything Alison was telling her pointed to exactly that. She could feel her eyes stinging at the thoughts already. This was stereotypical Alison behavior at its prime.

"I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation here! Can you please just think with your head on straight for one minute? It's not even about _that_!" Alison continued, with her voice raised more than she would've liked. The blonde regretted that she did the second she saw the hurt look on the other girl's face. And Alison knew she had to make it clear lest she dealt anymore damage than she already had while she still had Emily's attention.

"Look, Em. There are people who want to see me get ripped apart for what I've done to them in the past. And you know as much as I do that's not just Mona we're talking about here. I have more enemies in this town than I can count." She pressed on hotly, almost regretting her decision to come back to Rosewood in the first place but it was too late to turn around. "If we weren't careful, _this_ could be used against me and you."

She knew that Emily saw things differently. Part of her down-to-earth personality was because everything in her life thus far had been steady and simple. For one, her parents were the statistical minority of happily married even after all these years. Out of their friends, the Fields were still together, happily so. For two, Emily was brought up by unselfish and loving parents, whom in turn, through their guidance turned into an upright young lady. There were things she knew Emily couldn't even to comprehend. Things she'd never even consider given the relatively sheltered upbringing. She'd thought Alison ought to apologize to Paige would do someone some good for crying out loud. That was not how the world worked, at least not in Alison's eyes.

"Relax! You don't know that for sure!" Emily argued back, no less tense than Alison was at that moment, "You jump to conclusions way too fast. What makes you think what you think will happen, will definitely happen? No one knows the future! Not even _you_!" Emily argued back in frustration, then hearing her argument echoing in her ears, she suddenly sensed there was something Alison wasn't letting her in on, _again_. There was only one way anyone was certain of future outcomes and that was if they'd already set something in motion to achieve that. At the thought her anger flared up more than it already had. This wasn't about _them _anymore, it was about Alison.

"Don't you think you should be honest, or at least _try_ to be for once and let whatever you have to hide to light, and trust that it'll pass over your heads in due time? It's the fact that you're always hiding something got us here in the first place!" screamed the brunette.

Noting the naivety in Emily's tone, Ali swore under her breath, "Coming clean? Damn it, Emily! You know exactly you've told and how many lies we've told together, you think that being honest all of a sudden would help? That it would undo all the harms those lies have done and we've be redeemed enough to get a happily ever after? Are you even _listening _to yourself?!"

"As a matter of fact I am, but are you?! It's exactly this vicious cycle we need to break! How long must this go on? I thought with you being back you would at least want to try to make peace with the past! Just give it time and have some faith?"

"Right, because apologizing to all those I've hurt in one way or another will solve this once and for all, right?! We were _shot at_ by Shana in New York, because someone manipulated _my_ childhood best friend to come after me with a gun! I trusted Shana! Then coming home to find my own mother _murdered_ and buried in my own backyard! Mona knows about us being in New York and pulled that stunt to _threaten_ me last night. And you think that by _apologizing_ would prevent that from ever happening again? Don't you see, it's not about having faith, it's about me not wanting to be helpless if something horrible were to happen to someone I _care_ about," Alison paused for a breath, "god damn it, let me spell it out for you since you can't seem to understand, someone like _you, Emily Fields_! I just can't stand to see _you_ get hurt, especially knowing it was all because of _me_!"

At that, Alison threw up her hands, signaling she was done arguing. Emily, though silent, heaved in unresolved frustration mixed with shock from this new piece of information.

"We're here," she heard herself say, vacantly as Rosewood High came into view, acquiesced that there was nothing more to be said with their destination rolling to a close.

Seeing how Alison was dead set on her beliefs already. She knew there was no point in trying to convince the blonde otherwise, at least, not in private anytime soon. Instead, she clenched the shift gear tighter than necessary as she parked them in the side parking lot. Alison's hand met hers on the shift gear before she could turn around to grab her purse from the backseat; the blonde placed her hand over Emily's, causing the taller girl to look at her friend again.

"It's the best I can do, for now," She said as she held Emily's eyes. "I'm not taking any chances because I can't afford to lose this time." Alison told her softly before trailing off, – _especially when you are concerned_ – unsaid and kept to herself. "It's too risky of a gamble."


	5. Chapter 5

_ "You didn't wait for me after school today," _

The voice penetrated through incessant thoughts that'd plagued her as she sat, cross-legged on the window seat. Mindless thoughts, without substance or content, much like soap bubbles, transient and weightless, disappearing into thin air in the same fashion and ease they came to be. They filled her mind, occupying both space and time, yet ultimately leaving her emptier than before as each thought expired, with nothing to show for but furrowed brows and stiffened limbs.

Prior to the interruption, the only sound keeping her company had been the clock on the far wall. _Tick tock, tick tock_, its steady cadence subdued her desire to actually delve deeper into her own mind, yet at the same time, it wasn't strong enough to suppress the little details from worming its way to the surface. Once every so often, scenes from lunchtime would crawl from the abyss and into the forefront of her mind, uninvited, visiting her like some frivolous door to door salesman, causing her to rub at her temples irately, in vain attempts to scrub her mind clean of those memories once and for all.

She didn't want to move.

She didn't want to think.

She didn't want to be anything, other than the lone figure with her mind full of nothingness.

Though enough to rouse her, the voice was an unwelcome nuisance. It wasn't the sound that'd given her hope before. In fact, knowing that _she_ was here, occupying the same air, made Emily want to retreat into herself more than she already had. Her eyes were aimless, downcast, glued on the carpet, her back slouched, arms crossed in front of her chest. She saw the outstretched outline of _her_ shadow get closer, caught the faint hint of floral perfume as she neared. The toes of her ankle boots came into view too. But the girl who'd sat on the window sill refused to move an inch, let alone openly acknowledge _her_ unwelcome presence.

"I called you a dozen times and waited for you in the foyer, then Hanna let me know you already left, I guess I was stupid. I should've went to the parking lot and checked instead of waiting for an hour," came the voice again, nonchalant like always with just a tinge of sadness that was enough to rouse pity in the softhearted.

Normally, Emily would've let guilt get the best of her, but now, it was as if Alison was reading a script that was carefully crafted just for the purposes of getting Emily's attention. Everything she said thus far had felt impersonal, as if what'd happened today was actually a snippet from an interesting story they've read in English class. A shared experience that ceased to matter after the bell rang. A story that wasn't of her own doing, a story she ought to pay no responsibility for.

"I guess something came up with you, huh? That's alright, Hanna gave me a ride home," she continued on describing just what'd happened after Emily 'conveniently' forgot to play the designated chauffeur. It'd been an uninterrupted routine they'd settled into since Alison was back. Emily would sometimes pick her up from her house and drive her to school together, and on most days, drive her back to her house once school was over, some days she stayed over, keeping the girl whose house had become a symbol of misfortune in their small town company.

"I thought I would come and check on you…to see if you're okay," she trailed, voice getting quieter as she went on to study Emily's posture. Guarded and unmoved by her words, the taller girl's silence deterred her from getting any closer than she had, before long all that was between them was air thick with absolute silence, punctuated by the _tick tock, tick tock_, coming from the far wall and that's when Alison knew she really messed up this time.

"You're not going to talk to me, _at all_?" Alison pleaded, and for a passing moment she'd thought the other girl was ready to talk as Emily finally moved from her static position, though Alison was soon proven to be wrong, the other girl reached for the TV remote close to her instead then turned to some old movie channel and went back to her previous state.

Being refused was not something Alison Dilaurentis was used to. Even worse, she was being blatantly ignored. The blonde's jaw clenched firmly as she swore she'd get Mona back for this. She'd make Mona and her army of losers pay ten times more than what they had brought upon her. She'd had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that their little exchange in the church won't be the last. Though, for the life of her she couldn't have foreseen that Mona would pull the rug out from under her just like that, in front of everybody, in front of Emily.

If being reduced to humbled silence in front of the student body wasn't bad enough, in the aftermath, her friends took turns to grilling her, each disappointed like the next. Of course, the worst came from Emily, who had all the right in the world to feel betrayed by her words and actions. Alison had really let her down.

Even though there wouldn't ever be a good time for this to happen, today would probably be the worst day for it to happen. Given the sequences of events, she can't even imagine what Emily thought of her now, if she'd thought she was false to the core. It was what she'd feared the most. That someone or something would wound not only her, but the one she'd cared about the most.

"You'd rather believe Mona's words over mine? Can you please, just give me a chance?"

"So you can just lie to my face, again?" Emily finally said, though calm, there was biting bitterness in her tone. Her posture too, held firm, without moving an inch. She didn't want to deal with this. She didn't care to know if that video was altered or not.

According to Alison, the film was cut to make it look like Alison had been the aggressor, and Emily had every reason to believe that Mona had set her up. But the point was she was tired, tired of being fed one thing, only to find out later that it had all been nothing but a lie. Tired of being the only one who'd always believed in Ali, even all facts and evidence suggested she shouldn't. She was tired of fighting for someone who didn't appreciate her efforts, getting strung along for the ride; it sickened her to think what Alison's real purpose was. If all the chances she'd given the other girl were stacked up then it would've made a strong enough foundation for something. The problem was Alison undermined her trust again and again, burning everything they'd ever built within these short weeks down to the ground, making it impossible for Emily and her to reach some sort of breakthrough over the lies and hurt.

She couldn't help but wonder what Ali had intended to achieve now. Apologize just so she could keep Emily under her thumb longer, like some unsuspecting lamb, not to be devoured, but to be toyed with? She didn't want to get warped into another one of Alison's mind games. How did she let herself get so pathetic?

"Why wouldn't you just tell us the truth? It's so much easier than lying." She gave Alison one last chance, still not looking at the blonde as she took a seat beside Emily.

"I didn't tell you everything because I was afraid I was going to lose you…please,"

Emily almost scoffed at her cleverly weaved words. Alison had reached out to caress her face, to which Emily responded by finally looking at the other girl, not out of forgiveness but out of disbelief. She hadn't forgiven Alison and didn't intend to do so, at least not this easily, not after so many lies. Trust was something that's to be earned, was it not? However, Ali saw things differently. Ali saw this as a chance of redeeming herself in the only way she knew how. She'd leaned in slowly expecting Emily to eventually give into her, only to have Emily bolting up from her seated position and away from her.

"It's not going to fix this," The taller girl snapped, glaring sternly at the girl she'd left alone on the window seat, angry that Alison had intended to use her weakness against her as a last resort. If she'd really thought that would patch things up, then just what did she really think of Emily? That she was some puppet, so easily controlled? It was questions she'd never get answers to, as with clarity she decided she didn't want to hear anymore of what Alison had to say now, or in the near future. With a despondent shake of her head, Emily Fields stormed out of the room.


End file.
